right here, right now
right here, right now. (my blog post on sparkpeople.com) or read it below:
I’m taking stock of where I’m at, right here, right now.
I won’t say I’m starting over. This is a life-long journey. I have no end goal. This will never end. Like I said, this is a life-long journey.
So right now this is what I’m doing, how I’m feeling and what changes I’d like to make.
Exercise: none at all. I want that to change.
Food choices: I’m not thinking much about what I’m eating, or how much I’m eating. I’m just eating. On a more positive note, I seem to be doing much less mindless eating. I don’t seem to eat to fill a void. I’m not sure what clicked to make that change. I just realized here recently that it was different. That’s a huge positive. Now I’d like to take stock of what I’m eating when I do eat. I want to be more accountable about what goes into my mouth.
Overall mood: I am feeling very low, defeated, and completely out of energy all the time. I’m sure better quality food and even a little exercise will go a long way toward improving this!
Physical well-being: For my weight, I am not doing so poorly. I could be a lot worse off. But there are so many things that could be better. I don’t sleep comfortably at all. My legs and feet are achy by day. And again, I’ll mention the overall tired feeling. Exercise … slowly built up as I adjust to the frequency and intensity … is what my body’s trying to tell me it craves in these cues that seem to be just the opposite! Get up and do something!! The muscles are just wasting away ……
So here’s everything spelled out, plain as day. What I see when I look in the mirror or at photos from a family gathering is not what I want to see! That is not me. That is a tired, worn out, uncared for version of me. Where am I hiding? Somewhere in there … I’m determined to find me!
oh that beautiful body of mine
It’s about time I touch on my health goals. I have one main goal – to reach my healthy BMI. Several smaller goals revolve around that one big goal. I have a wonderful road bike which sits in my room and has only been on the road a few times since the divorce.
I want to ride it.
So why don’t I? Well, right now my excuse is that it is in bad need of a tune-up and a new back tire. I can’t afford that. I especially can’t afford it after getting the kids ready to go back to school! It will have to wait. Once winter hits, there will be no riding it out in the ice and snow. So next spring is what I’m looking at for my bike. Poor bike. It deserves someone who will love it and put many miles on it. Instead it’s got me.
Many years ago I was inspired by a book called Slow Fat Triathlete written by Jayne Williams. In fact, I was so inspired I sent the author an email. She emailed me back. I was working hard toward reaching my biking, swimming and running goals! I never did manage to put them all together into a triathlon. It’s like the divorce knocked me on my butt and I’ve never managed to shake the dust.
Now I feel like I’m making excuses. The divorce was a huge turning point in my life. Not one that I’d ever wish to go through again. It made me rethink so much. I had to decide what was really important to me. I had to relearn who I was. And honestly, I’m still in the process of learning that. But I also seemed to have forgotten quite a few things that were very important to me. My tri goal was a big one. And I was so close. It angers me when I realize that I’m starting over from scratch. But … that’s where I’m at.
The book is on the nightstand next to my bed. Perhaps I should pick it up tonight. I’m between books right now. Maybe, just maybe, this is all coming to the forefront of my mind right now for a reason. I have a long way to go, but there’s no time like the present and no better place to start than at the beginning.
out standing in my field
I’m not new to blogging. I’ve had several scattered across the internet throughout the years. If you search hard enough, you may even be able to find a few (Search at the risk of wasting your own time).
My most revealing blog was over on blogger.com (or whatever it’s called these days). It has since been deleted. I’m starting fresh right here and now.
I’m leaving it up to chance if anyone finds this or not. I’m writing to help process thoughts, feelings, inspiration. It pretty much comes straight from my heart to the screen with very little being processed through the brain!
So what is my field? Good question. I’m a mom. I work as a secretary. Well, that’s what I choose to call myself. Most self-respecting secretaries these days call themselves “administrative assistants.” I hope to be done with this gig soon, so I won’t bother with worrying about what I call my job or why.
I also fancy myself as “creative.” Dare I call myself an artist? I don’t know. That would mean I’d actually have to create art of some sort. Dare I call myself a writer? The same would hold true. I don’t make the time for any sort of creative endeavor these days.
My mind is also preoccupied these days with attempts at bettering my spirit and my body. Very feeble attempts at both. Hence the name of the blog, “taking the cow by the horns.” I’m grabbing my inner cow and not letting go until she listens to what I really want.
I would say this could be a long journey. But who am I kidding? This WILL be a long journey. Any passers-by are welcome to pull up a clump of grass for a while to see where the journey might lead.
grabbing the cow by the horns 